Anger Management In Islam (AMI) Islamic definition: It is a destructive fire! Anger is a destructive emotion, as a fire which destroys our well-being, consumes our good actions, repels our friends and dear ones, frightens our children and forces the angels to report bad actions for the Heavenly Records. This is a dangerous rough road and no-one is devoid of it and it brings one close to the wrath of Allah; story: 2 Anger and Islam <> 3 hadith in chapter 7 4 a swelling mass of emotion: PHM** 5 The Causes of Anger and It's Medicine, 11 Instead to control your anger and never lose control. [fn 103] PHM103 13 Gabriel-hadith: <> 18 There is a saying of Imam `Ali (kAw) in this respect, which we were 26 see: The Meaning of Nafs by Muhammad 'Afifi al-'Akiti <> 27 a famous saying: <> 28 chapter 9 is from: <>
Lexical[1] meaning:
(Example: In a moment of anger I hit my brother.)
Prophetic hadith: “Anger is a burning coal ...” [3]
it results in the destruction of many noble qualities.
- It snatches away the wisdom of man and thus
he becomes a brute beast devoid of any sense.
- Anger is a temptation and deception of Shaitân.[2]
- Anger is the root of all evils.
- Anger is a very bad condition that weakens the person's Imân (faith). [2]
Imam Mawlûd calls it a "swelling ocean," that is he compares it to "a swelling mass of emotion that is difficult to hold back once it is unleashed."[4]
The Messenger of Allah, Prophet Muhammad said:
"Whoever curbs his anger, while being able to act, Allah will fill his heart with certainty of faith."
Therefore the consequence for whoever does not curb his anger is that he or she will sooner or later feel its evil consequences.
"What thing is difficult?" He said: "God's wrath." Prophet Yahya (John the Baptist) -peace be upon him- then asked:
"What brings near the wrath of God?" He said: "Anger".
Yahya - peace be upon him- asked him:
"What thing grows and increases anger?" Isa -peace be upon him- said:
"Pride, prestige, hope for honour and haughtiness." [5]
The good news is that when you are ready to confront the evil kind of anger within your soul, then you have already taken the first decisive step in fighting it. The evil kind of anger can be overcome by understanding and following the respective teachings of Islam. If you are not ready, ask yourself the test questions below.[ch.4]
Are all kinds of anger meant here always, or are there instances when anger could still be justified?
Someone could say: "How do I know that my anger is not justified, when I feel strongly about it, that in certain situations I do have the right to become angry?" (As an exception there are a few instances when it is good and allowed, such as in war when fighting the enemy, but not excessive anger.)
Answer: Yes, there are situations where anger is justified and lawful, as "in cases of religious affairs when one's honour is at stake. It is an effective preventive measure to safeguard the dignity of man. A person who has no anger is called a coward because he has got no true faith in Allah. The person fears creation and not the Creator." [2]
But certainly those instances are rare, and what is worse, for a beginner in anger management (AMI) it is difficult to distinguish between those situations from the outset. Later with some success in AMI, that will be easy.
We do not suggest that AMI means you never may get angry, for anger is not to abolished but channelled, and the aim is always to reach your goal with other, reliable and sane methods, in shâh Allah. But to begin with, it is vital to bring it down to lower levels, to temper it, in order to take control over it.
For the time being you should be extremely suspicious about anger in which form or situation what-so-ever. Be warned against it!
Remember that the real strength of a man lies in controlling his wrath or anger. In this respect the Islamic tradition is very clear:
It is reported in a hadith on the authority of Abu Huraira Allah be pleased with him, that Mohammad, the emissary of Allah peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said :
"The man is not a good wrestler; the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger." (Bukhari)
In another hadith Abu Hurairah (radiyallahu `anhu), reported that a man said to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wasallam): "Advise me!"
The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious."
The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
[Al-Bukhari; Vol. 8 No. 137] (see hadith in Arabic at top of page.)
Commenting on this hadith Al-Nawawî says that "he meant to not allow anger to lord over oneself and cause the loss of one's comportment." Instead to control your anger and never lose control. [11]
We are convinced that the Islamic guidance is the best guidance, also in respect of AMI, because it relates to all levels of human beings, where it operates its barakah (Divine blessings): the body (jism), the soul (nafs) and the spirit (rûh), the last being the highest element which governs the rest. Anger is one of several coarse qualities of the soul or heart, which have to be treated by Islam's spiritual methods. To treat the (spiritual) desease you have to know its causes. Imam al Ghazali explains them as follows:
Or summarized in four words:
The goal is to purify the heart, free it from oblivion of the rang of human beings, neglect of Allahs commands, and ... so as to reach the Divine Presence.
In this context there is the Gabriel-hadith on excellence (ihsân) in Islam (as part of a longer hadith[13]): A man asked the Emissary of Allah : "Then tell me about Ihsan." He said:
"It is to worship Allah as though you are seeing Him,
and while you see Him not yet — truly He sees you."
Also in the Quran we are constantly reminded that Allah sees and hears us, thus watching over us all the time. Knowing this how can anyone be so carried away by his (her) passions – and devoid of godfearingness (taqwâ) to behave like an ugly, crazy person, chasing around and abusing people?
It becomes clear then that in reality anger is a secret disease, like for example alcoholism, which has to be treated just like any other desease, and it is you yourself who has to take the decisive step to curb it, with Allah's help.
In this context it is important to remember that AMI is part of a comprehensive treatment of the heart, not isolated methods.
Therefore come to terms with yourself (nafs) and see your propensity toward the anger-syndrome!
To start with ask yourself the following questions:
b. Does it make you angry when something happens contrary to what you expected or what you wished for?
c. When starting to get angry, did you ever become aware of how your emotions are kindled or heating up?
c. When you are angry, do you say or do things which normally you would not?
d. When you are angry, do you feel you have to act in a certain manner, without any control?
e. Do you - after your anger has subsided - regret what you said or did, or how you appeared in front of people?
If you answered most or all of the above questions with 'yes', then you are on your way and you will easily understand the following diagrams which show the anger levels and how to curb it over time (ch.5) :
You may ask if there is anything which can be done about this problem of losing one's temper, and you may think that this is the way you are, this is your character and that a change would be impossible. But you can change and
AMI was conceived to show how to succeed in dealing with this desease, once its evil roots have been understood. Then, soon, you will enjoy the sweet fruit of having overcome it. Someone[18] said in this respect, that winning over his anger is a sweet thing indeed.
A visual model is employed for the description of anger over time:
Here we can see a line graph (red) for the fairly common development of temper or anger, where the left, vertical axis with variable h, measures the degree of temper [ º ] and the horizontal axis measuring time in minutes [min].
graph - d1:
the "normality-level" n1, but something happened at "t2"
t2: from here there is a steep increase in anger-level. Not long
after temper reaches its peak at "t3"
t3: anger-level stays at that extreme level for a moment or
some minute or so, then after this
t4: anger level is reduced, either more rapidly as in
L1 or more slowly with others individuals as shown in L2.
The critical timespan to employ AMI is at the outset of anger at t2, and as soon as possible, this is shown in graph d2 below[graph d2]. But anytime is better than no time!
a) There are two cures, the first is the cure at the beginning of tension build-up, see graph d2:
The critical area to address AMI is at the outset of anger at t2 when angel level has risen somewhat to n2 (blue line), ie. one has become angry and irritated, but still not "lost one's temper" completely.
AMI has to intervene here as soon as possible, as shown in line graph d2 below.
graph - d2:
If this method (AMI) can be employed, it will be of great help for the time being and it will save him (or her) from the evil consequences of his temper. If he still needs more assistance - and most of us do need it dearly - check for m1 - m3 below. [ in chapter b) ].
The person with such a positive reponse to anger, which we know is but the incitement of Shaitan (rajîm), can only succeed enforcing this strong kind of control if he earlier has disciplined his nafs by those many spiritual methods which are prescribed by the Islamic tradition, the obligatory, (wâjib) and the strongly recommend (the Sunnah).
b) The second cure curbing the tension of temper-build-up altogether is described in graph d3:
With given, innate levels of passion and emotion the response to anger will vary from person to person, and also from young age to mature age. Other factors also determine levels of tension generally, such as the person's living and working conditions, etc.
For some persons it may not be possible to prevent a strong, swelling attack of anger at the outset (as described in d2) because of the above reasons, and it is very difficult especially when he /she has not internalized the islamic viewpoint [see ch. 8] that whatever happens it is because Allah (swt) has allowed it to happen. Therefore they are in dire need of implementing the three most important islamic methods of anger management:
graph - d3:
These methods go hand in hand with recognizing one's position in the sight of Allah (swt), as summarized in chapter 8.
Here we'll encourage the reader to enact the prophetic advice of anger management in his own life, and to the benefit of himself and his spiritual capability, and for the peace of his familiy and everyone else:
(m1) saying the word of protection:
a`ûdhû billâhi min ash-shaytân ir rajîm
(m2) changing bodily posture:
when angry, sit down if standing — and lie down if sitting.
(m3) washing the face etc, arms, hands:
make ablution with water. (see ch. 7b)
We are describing below the medicines of anger after one gets angry. This medicine is a mixture of knowledge and action.
7a. The medicine based on knowledge is of six kinds:
(1) The first medicine of knowledge is to think over the rewards of appeasing anger, that have come from the verses of the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet . Your hope for getting rewards of appeasing anger will restrain you from taking revenge.
(2) The second kind of medicine based on knowledge is to fear the punishment of God and to think that the punishment of God upon me is greater than my punishment upon him. If I take revenge upon this man for anger, God will take revenge upon me on the Judgement Day.
(3) The third kind of medicine of anger based on knowledge is to take precaution about punishment of enemity and revenge on himself. You feel joy in having your enemy in your presence in his sorrows, You yourself are not free from that danger. You will fear that your enemy might take revenge against you in this world and in the next.
(4) Another kind of medicine based on knowledge is to think about the ugly face of the angry man, which is just like that of the ferocious beast. He who appeases anger looks like a sober and learned man.
(5) The fifth kind of medicine based on knowledge is to think that the devil will advise by saying: " You will be weak if you do not get angry!" Do not listen to him!
(6) The sixth reason is to think: " What reason have I got to get angry? What Allah wishes has occured!"
7b. The medicine based on action is of three kinds:
(m1) When you get angry, say: I seek refuge in God from the accursed evil (a`ûdhû billâhi min ash-shaytân ir rajîm). The Prophet ordered us to say thus.
When Ayesha (ra) got angry, he dragged her by the nose and said:
"O dear Ayesha, say: O God, you are the Lord of my prophet Muhammad, forgive my sins and remove the anger from my heart and save me from misguidance."
(m2) If anger does not go away by this means, you will sit down if you are standing, lie down if you are sitting, and come near to earth, as you have been created of earth. Thus make yourself calm like the earth. The cause of wrath is heat and its opposite is to lie down on the ground and to make the body calm and cool.
The Prophet said: Anger is a burning coal. Don't you see your eyebrows wide and eyes reddish? So when one of you feels angry, let him sit down if standing, and lie down if sitting.
(m3) If still anger does not stop, make ablution with cold water or take a bath, as fire cannot be extinguished without water.
The Prophet said : "When one of you gets angry, let him make ablution with water as anger arises out of fire."
In another narration, he said: "Anger comes from the devil and the devil is made of fire." [5]
AMI has to do with keeping the right balance in one's life, regarding various aspects of it, such as foodintake, sexuality, desire for position and power, and so on. Prophet Muhammad was the best human being to keep to this balance and to be a guide of the middle way sirât-al mustaqîm, the way of moderation. Man has to balance between wrathghadab and mercy rahma, never losing sight of the religious priority of mercy over wrath or anger. [22]
For these methods or ways to become reality one has to come to forbearance and humility in all cases. This is especially clear when the issue is not to uphold the dîn (religion) of Islam, but the problem is from our expectations of the dunya or of other people. And if the defense of Islam is at stake, one must still not rush towards action under the pressure of anger, but one has to excuse oneself, first calm down and stick to what Imam Al-Ghazalî's advised the Muslims [12], who stated that anger "is acceptable only a the right time, in the right place, for the right reasons, and with the right intensity." [23]
When one has internalized the islamic viewpoint that whatever happens is because Allah (swt) has allowed it to happen and then also by knowing oneself, one can strive to rid oneself from selfcenteredness and egotism, for in the words of S. Ahmad Zarrûq, "people are filled with themselves". With the help of Allah, one will be able to let go of what ultimately is beyond our restriced, illusory domain of power, and arrive step-by-step at a control of one's anger by understanding the rule of "the right time, in the right place, for the right reasons, and with the right intensity." With the whole effectiveness and barakah (heavenly powers) of the Islamic way - living Islam -, one will by Allah's leave (bi-idhni-LLah) win over this nafs ( an-nafs al-ammara bi-ssu' ) [26] - this soul commanding us to do evil - and taste the sweet taste of victory over one's worst enemy.
To become aware of oneself is a step towards knowing oneself, and according to a famous saying in Islam, whoever knows himself he knows his Lord. [27]
There is a famous story about `Ali (karrama-llâhu wajhahu) according to which he was fighting against a disbeliever and had the intention of killing him due to al bughd fi Allah (hatred for the sake of Allah). After `Ali (karrama-llâhu wajhahu) subdued him and sat on his chest with the intention of killing him, the man spat on his face. `Ali (karrama-llâhu wajhahu) at once let him go.
The man was amazed and said, "You should have become even more angry due to my spitting at you and should have hastened in killing me. Why did you spare me?"
`Ali (karrama-llâhu wajhahu) replied, "Due to this action of yours mynafs became involved and my intention did not remain purely for the sake of Allah."
The light of sincerity had such a cleansing effect that it purged the impurities and kufr of the disbeliever's heart, and he recited the kalima(profession of faith) at once, and became Muslim. [28]
* (kAw): karram-Allahu wajhahu: May Allah ennoble his face!
by Imam al Ghazali <>
unable to trace. Another one of his sayings is <>.
** PHM: Purification of the Heart; Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of The Heart, Transl. and Comm. of Imam al-Mawlud's Matharat al-Qulub, by Hamza Yusuf; Starlatch Press 2004
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